1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:04,755 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,841 That's it, folks. Closing it up. 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,510 Night, Coach. See you later, Coach. 4 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,761 Night. Good night, guys. 5 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,387 So, Normie, what do you say, 6 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:13,889 you want to stop off and get a bite to eat? 7 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,099 Come on, Cliff ie, I have a wife to go home to. 8 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,685 Oh, that's all right. We could stop by and pick her up. 9 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,103 You know, I haven't met her yet. 10 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,523 Nah, I don't think so. Not tonight. 11 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,316 Oh, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. 12 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:25,943 Who are you ashamed of, me or her? 13 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,861 A little of both, I guess. 14 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,431 Hey, everybody, I'm back. 15 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,392 Last week on Cheers, yours truly, Cliff Clavin, 16 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:42,311 postman extraordinaire and happy wanderer, 17 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:43,854 returned from a vacation 18 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,732 in the paradoxical state of Florida. 19 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,067 It was an invigorating and magnificent experience. 20 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,652 I'd like to tell you all about it, 21 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,821 but certain parties insist I fill you in 22 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,156 on the rest of the story, 23 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,283 so Diane and Sam, as you may know, 24 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,118 had a little falling-by-the-wayside. 25 00:01:58,285 --> 00:01:59,953 After they went their separate ways, 26 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,955 Sam went back to his old ones. 27 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,167 I didn't happen to get the license of the wagon Sam fell off of, 28 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:06,960 but back to the bottle he went. 29 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,881 Diane, on her side, went what we euphemistically call... 30 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,969 And spent a little time in a hospital in the country. 31 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,638 After she got out, 32 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,723 Coach talked her into coming into Cheers 33 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,683 to try and talk some sense into Sam. 34 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:25,312 She talked him to seeing a psychiatrist of her acquaintance. 35 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,148 Sam agreed, not knowing that said shrink and said Diane 36 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:32,235 were dating steadily, and rumor has it, heavily. 37 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,946 Sam, in fact, is laboring under the misconception 38 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,824 that Diane still carries a torch for him, 39 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,910 and Diane, naturally, thinks 40 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,245 that Sam is the torchbearer in this situation. 41 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,330 You know something? 42 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:47,000 I think I may have the wrong batch of slides here. 43 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,711 These are my snaps of FLA. 44 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,297 Ah, well, you all know what Sam and Diane look like, 45 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:54,466 but a lot of you poor old pasty wretches 46 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,176 have never seen the old Sunshine state. 47 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,095 What we're looking at here is-- 48 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,014 Hey! All right, who pulled the plug? 49 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,308 Oh, very funny, wise guy. Come on. 50 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,737 You're a failure in everything you've ever tried to do, 51 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,365 and you're gutless, because you won't admit you're a failure. 52 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,367 You've hurt your friends. You've hurt everyone 53 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,245 who's ever tried to reach out to you. You make me sick! 54 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,625 Sam, tell me what's on your mind. 55 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:33,004 I'm wondering how much this is going to cost me. 56 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,339 You're thinking of money. 57 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,341 Yeah, I hope it's not going to be a lot, 58 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,718 because the truth is, 59 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,178 I get Diane to come in here and do this for free. 60 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,181 She used to abuse me for free all the time. 61 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,810 Well, it wasn't exactly free. 62 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,812 I had to sleep with her. 63 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,316 You know, Sam, beneath your flippancy, 64 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,819 I sense a lot of hostility towards Diane, 65 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,362 and towards myself. 66 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:02,242 Look, I haven't had a drink in ten days. 67 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,245 I know I've got a problem, but I'm going to AA, 68 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,414 and I really think I'm going to be okay. 69 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,541 No, you're better than okay, Sam. 70 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,169 You're abundantly human. 71 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:15,255 Didn't you just say I made you sick a minute ago? 72 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,466 I was confronting you, Sam. 73 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,842 Forget about a minute ago. 74 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,928 I am now telling you that you're abundantly human. 75 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,264 Well, great, great, because 76 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,433 I really think I'm going to be able to handle this now. 77 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,601 I don't. 78 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,730 Hey, I'm abundantly human, remember? 79 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,523 Sam, don't you see what I'm doing here? 80 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,151 I'm putting you on an emotional pendulum. 81 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,904 Oh, I-- I don't want to be on an emotional anything. 82 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,197 I just want to quit. 83 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,948 - Uh-oh. - What? 84 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,200 This is very distressing. 85 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,452 I hear Sam the failure talking. 86 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,871 You said I was abundantly human, twice. 87 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:51,082 An abundantly human person is not resistant to change. 88 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,751 I want to quit. That's a change. 89 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,586 Sam, you're becoming compulsive on this point. 90 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,254 I think we should double our sessions. 91 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,340 Double? Oh, come on, Frasier. 92 00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,800 I'm going to be okay, really. 93 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,593 Well, your progress has been remarkable. 94 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,761 Good, good. 95 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,179 Let's quit before you change your mind. 96 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,723 Sam! There's that word "quit" again! 97 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,059 Do you realize that you keep saying it? 98 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:12,062 Could you stop saying it if you wanted to? 99 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,355 Frasier? 100 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:16,191 Sam, I know a quiet, peaceful little place 101 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,275 in the country. 102 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,902 I could get you in for the weekend. 103 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,987 Lovely grounds, nice food, dress is casual. 104 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,490 In fact, your tie and belt will be confiscated. 105 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,244 Frasier, I'm not going to a hospital. 106 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,621 I am not going to have any more sessions. 107 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,957 We're through. That's it. Now, get the hell out of here! 108 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,084 Sam! We did it! 109 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,211 Did what? 110 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,629 You're a whole person, Sam. 111 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,673 Really, I mean that. 112 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,592 - I am? - You stood up to me and took control. 113 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,303 You're no longer a man who needs to run away from his problems, 114 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,680 who needs to drink, 115 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,890 needs to spend his weekends at a hospital in the sticks 116 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,141 bombed on Thorazine. 117 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,228 Goodbye, Sam. Be well. 118 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,563 Oh, Frasier, wait a minute. 119 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,690 Sam, Sam, you must break this attachment. 120 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,276 Swim, Sam, swim. 121 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,611 No, no, Frasier, no, 122 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,405 I just want you to tell me 123 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,908 what you think put Diane in a ha-ha house. 124 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,953 Well, I'm not her doctor, and even if I were, 125 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,329 I couldn't discuss it with you. 126 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,372 Ah, it doesn't matter. 127 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,749 I know she went nuts because I kicked her out of here. 128 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,751 And by the way, Sam, 129 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,629 I don't think you should use the word "nuts" 130 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,464 when discussing Diane. 131 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,341 Well, you've met her. 132 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,885 Give me a better one. 133 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,386 Bonkers. 134 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,351 You see, you don't need alcohol to have fun. 135 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,730 In my profession, 136 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,940 there's no such thing as a closed door. 137 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,234 That explains how Diane got out. 138 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,323 You know, as long as you hang on 139 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,741 to that wonderful sense of humor, 140 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,910 I don't think you can ever go completely astray. 141 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:50,994 Goodbye, everybody. 142 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,245 So long, Doc. 143 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,622 Hey, Frasier. 144 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,790 Say hello to all your loons for me. 145 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,543 Carla, why do you keep building walls 146 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,420 between yourself and everyone else? 147 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,340 Have you taken a good look at everyone else? 148 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,384 Touché. 149 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,262 Here's to Sammy. 150 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,890 Ten days without the slow death of demon alcohol. 151 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,726 No, no. Come on, you guys, don't toast me for that. 152 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,729 I tell you, getting back on the bottle was the stupidest thing I ever did. 153 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,023 I was reading in an article the other day, 154 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:24,069 alcohol actually eats huge holes in the tissue of your... 155 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,029 You know, some people like bartenders 156 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,948 who tell great stories and jokes. 157 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:31,576 Ah, no, give me a good temperance lecture anytime. 158 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:34,162 I'm sorry, you guys. 159 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,538 Yeah, well, I just thank God 160 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,332 I don't have an alcoholic personality. 161 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,334 You don't have a personality. 162 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,254 Carla, I'm going to resist the temptation 163 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,090 of hurling a rejoinder in your direction 164 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,051 primarily out of the respect I bear for members of your gender. 165 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,429 Please make sure that's all you bare for members of my gender. 166 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,892 Hello, everybody. 167 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,936 Coach, come here. 168 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,730 Coach, this is the moment I've been dreading. 169 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:01,731 Why, Sam? 170 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,025 Well, Diane's here, 171 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,444 and she's probably going to beg me to get back together again. 172 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,239 - I'm going to have to break her heart. - Oh, my God, that's terrible. 173 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:12,951 No, the terrible thing is I'm looking forward to it. 174 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,205 And then after being in the Everglades a couple of days, 175 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,124 the Seminole Indians found me and made me 176 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,875 an honorary mail carrier of their tribe. 177 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,711 Hi. 178 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,548 Hi. Sam, is Frasier here? 179 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,174 No, he just left. We finished our session. 180 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,051 - Oh. - He's making remarkable progress. 181 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,888 Well, it's you I want to talk to anyway. 182 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,557 Yeah, I know. I figured. 183 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,809 Well, you probably still remember 184 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,436 where the office is, right? 185 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,522 Oh, yes, I've seen it in my dreams. 186 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,358 Coach, I'm going to take a break here. 187 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,445 Hey, Coach, 188 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,864 who's "Miss God's Gift to the World"? 189 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,074 Gee, I didn't see the show this year, honey. 190 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,243 I think Miss Kansas won. 191 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,498 Strange to be here again. 192 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:01,499 Whoo! 193 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,545 Using a new cologne? 194 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:09,049 Oh, no, that's the roach bomb. 195 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,386 But, you know, hey, that's not a... 196 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,891 Yes, well... down to business. 197 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,143 Sam... 198 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,687 There's something I've been keeping from you 199 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,939 and I've got to tell you, and tell you now. 200 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,984 Well, there's something I need to say to you, 201 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,195 and I think I ought to go first. 202 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:33,198 No, no, I think maybe I should go first. 203 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,409 Maybe. I... 204 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,334 - I'm over you. - I'm over you. 205 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,045 - You're over me? - You're over me? 206 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,172 - Well, you don't think that I still-- - You don't think that I-- 207 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,591 - Well, of course-- - You bet you-- 208 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,222 - You thought that-- - You thought-- 209 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,973 - Well, so did you! - So did you! 210 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,851 We keep doing it! 211 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:06,439 Coach, I think something we thought we'd seen the last of 212 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,649 is just about to resurface. 213 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,734 Yeah, my lunch. 214 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:24,916 Ah... 215 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,211 - Diane? - Mm? 216 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:32,048 Rest assured, I have no feelings left for you. 217 00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,299 Nothing. 218 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:37,679 I assure you, I feel less than nothing for you. 219 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,810 Then there's nothing really left to say. 220 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,813 There is one other thing you should know. 221 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,149 It's quite important, really. 222 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,569 There's another man in my life and he's someone you know. 223 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,488 Really? Who? 224 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,616 Frasier and I have been lovers for several weeks. 225 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,118 Ew... 226 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,497 What do you mean, "ew"? 227 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,042 No, I'm sorry. I just got a little mental picture there. 228 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,503 It took me by surprise. 229 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,047 Well... 230 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,301 why didn't you say something sooner? 231 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,511 Well, Frasier didn't want to tell you 232 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,181 because he was afraid it would interfere with your therapy. 233 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,600 We had a terrible fight about it. 234 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:27,645 No, actually, we had a wonderful fight about it. 235 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,690 Frasier has taught me that fighting can be wonderful 236 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,693 if you lay out the ground rules, share your hurt, 237 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,612 and never lose respect 238 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,364 for the other person's abundant humanness. 239 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:42,952 Boy, you people with full lives. 240 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,336 - Well... - Well... 241 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,549 Wait a second here. 242 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,843 Guys, I think you ought to hear this. 243 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,180 Diane here's got herself a new fella. 244 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,389 It turns out 245 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,767 that she and Frasier Crane are lovers. 246 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,185 Ew. 247 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,689 What do you mean, "ew"? 248 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:16,361 I mean, "Ew two should be very happy together." 249 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:25,745 Sam, I thought you said she was still nuts about you. 250 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,414 Well, I was wrong, Coach, and I'm happy to be wrong. 251 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,415 Me too. 252 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,752 Well... 253 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,131 I guess this is goodbye. 254 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,591 Yeah, I guess it is. 255 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:39,842 Diane, what're you doing here? 256 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,386 I've been looking all over for you. 257 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,763 Oh, Frasier, I'm so glad you're here. 258 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,223 Ew! 259 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,398 Diane, you shared our happy secret 260 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:54,691 with Sam, didn't you? 261 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,901 Yes, and he took it wonderfully. 262 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,279 In fact, just to show you how wonderfully, 263 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,281 let me buy you a drink here. 264 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,324 Why, thanks, Sam. 265 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,994 I'll have a white wine spritzer. 266 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,623 Well, okay, I'll have one, too. 267 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,959 It's our drink. 268 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,007 You two meet in the bin, did you? 269 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,675 Yes... 270 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,802 and it isn't a bin. 271 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,515 Goldenbrook is a pastoral retreat. 272 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,519 Did you hold hands during the lobotomy? 273 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,104 Carla... 274 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,982 Diane, take a joke. 275 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,692 I love you. 276 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:41,529 Frasier is a consulting psychiatrist at Goldenbrook. 277 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,573 He wasn't my therapist. 278 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,366 How did you two get together? 279 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:48,286 I was playing croquet on the north lawn 280 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,912 one beautiful morning. 281 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,081 It's a game I learned during my stay there, 282 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,499 and I got quite good at it. 283 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,002 I saw you do that. 284 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,046 You are a naughty, naughty girl. 285 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,048 - It wasn't... - You are very naughty. 286 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,550 I saw you do it. Admit it. Come on, be a grown-up. 287 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,177 It was amazing to me 288 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,846 how I could just lose myself in the flow of the game. 289 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,222 Now I'm annoyed. 290 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,850 I found when I played with someone of equal ability, 291 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,352 it gave me an appreciation 292 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,813 for the nobler aspects of sport and competition. 293 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,191 What is this business? 294 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,402 No, I'm not going to play with you anymore. 295 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,738 Well, fine, then go to-- Oh! Oh! 296 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:27,116 Frazier happened by in the midst of this spirited contest 297 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:30,370 and he stopped to correct a flaw in my swing. 298 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,957 My opponent on that particular day 299 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,418 was as crafty a strategist as I. 300 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,629 We really brought out the best in each other. 301 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,672 Oh! 302 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,091 Oh, ladies... 303 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,592 Girls! 304 00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,094 Ladies! 305 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,262 Frasier remained not only to watch my game, 306 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,849 but to good-naturedly arbitrate a close call for us. 307 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,478 I must admit that under the attentive gaze 308 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:56,979 of a distinguished doctor, 309 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,149 I lost some of my concentration on the game itself. 310 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,901 You shouldn't be allowed on the croquet lawn! 311 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,986 - Who's your doctor? - Who would have guessed 312 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,197 that a leisurely game of croquet 313 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,282 would provide me with such a trophy? 314 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,909 Indeed. 315 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,080 That's quite a story. 316 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,542 How is your romantic life going, Sam? 317 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,752 I'm dating a girl right now 318 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,838 that I think may just turn out 319 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,382 to be the woman I've been waiting for all my life. 320 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,800 - Sam... - Thank you. 321 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,343 Sam Malone. 322 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,430 You went out with my sister. 323 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,181 How did you think 324 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,225 that wasn't going to get back to me? Huh? 325 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:37,437 I have had just about as much as I can take from you. 326 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:43,526 As far as I'm concerned, you never existed. 327 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,575 Well, the search continues. 328 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,662 Swim, Sam, swim. 329 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:56,873 Great, great. 330 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,583 Now I've got to work 331 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,793 another Saturday night by myself. 332 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,379 Sam, you promised you weren't going to boink 333 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,006 any more waitresses in this joint 334 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,757 unless it was me. 335 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,097 Well, obviously, I'm going to have to find somebody to fill this job 336 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,891 who I can keep my hands off of. 337 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,144 You looking for work? 338 00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:23,858 Thank you very much for the very attractive offer, 339 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,818 but I'm not interested. 340 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,612 Well, no, I understand. 341 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,280 I mean, how silly of me. 342 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,158 You couldn't possibly come back to work here. 343 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,911 What are you talking about? 344 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,205 Well, it's, well, it's interesting. 345 00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:38,873 I mean, it doesn't bother me at all, 346 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,376 but obviously it creates kind of a problem for you. 347 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,131 Frasier, could we go now, please? 348 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:48,508 Of course, dear. 349 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,219 I guess this is goodbye for now, Sam, but remember, 350 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,638 there's no such thing as a former patient. 351 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,182 I think you'll find that once you've been a patient of mine, 352 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,683 I'm always there when you... 353 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,560 Oh, great! 354 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,854 I'll bet this is important. 355 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,651 Where's the phone? 356 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,819 In the hallway over there. 357 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,949 Why don't you have a seat here? 358 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,575 No, thank you. 359 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,118 I understand. 360 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,665 What do you understand? 361 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,208 Well, I assume that 362 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,210 what you said in the office there was the truth, 363 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,672 but obviously you're feeling some kind of sexual tension around me. 364 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:32,301 I guess sitting that close would be kind of rough on you. 365 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:33,970 The fact of the matter 366 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,346 is I don't want to work here 367 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,933 because I think I have a better lot in store 368 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:43,646 than a life of serving beer to squamulous laggards. 369 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,190 Please, Diane, the man's in the room. 370 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,610 When Frasier comes back, 371 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,279 will you tell him I'm waiting outside, please? 372 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:52,530 I understand, really. 373 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,532 Maybe it'd be safer to wait around the corner there. 374 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,867 I do give off this kind of aura. 375 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,078 - That's the roach bomb. - Ah! 376 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,290 Diane, Di-- 377 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,291 Listen, Diane, please. 378 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,710 I have something to say to you, and it's straight from here. 379 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,920 What is it, Coach? 380 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,298 Well, this is my heart, isn't it? 381 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,551 Yes, yes, it is. 382 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,596 Diane, honey, if you walk out that door, 383 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,222 he's back on the bottle. 384 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,977 Oh, well, I can't be responsible for that. 385 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,061 Please, Diane, 386 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,105 don't tear his heart out again, please. 387 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,982 You'd be doing us both a big favor 388 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,526 if you'd just stick around for a little while, 389 00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:31,861 a couple-- three weeks... 390 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,030 Just till he gets back on his feet. 391 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,698 Please. 392 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:43,664 Well, I've gone this far. 393 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,542 I might as well persist until he's recovered. 394 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:47,960 She's back! 395 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:55,092 If Frasier approves, I'll stick around 396 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:58,220 and help you through your waitress problem. 397 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,515 Whoa, wait a second here. 398 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,767 You mean to tell me 399 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,977 you're actually coming back to work here? 400 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,481 I'll take it until a better job comes along. 401 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,068 Cleaning up after rodeos, for instance. 402 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,196 Great, huh, Sam? 403 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,697 Diane's back. 404 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,157 Great. 405 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,326 What did you say to her? 406 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,452 It was easy. 407 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,371 I said... she walks out that door, 408 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,998 she's back in that nuthouse within a month. 409 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,084 Oh, I see. 410 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,379 You're not going to tell her, are you? 411 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,464 No, of course not. 412 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,347 Well, welcome aboard, Miss Chambers. 413 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,058 Thank you, Mr. Malone. 414 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,729 That Coach is a pretty smart fella sometimes, 415 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,022 isn't he? 416 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,695 Yes, he is, Sam. 417 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,198 Well, enough said about that. 418 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,324 Yeah, enough. 419 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,243 Well, Diane, shall we be off? 420 00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,744 Oh, Frasier, I think 421 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,454 I'm going to come back to work here. 422 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:06,497 What? 423 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,916 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 424 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,000 No. 425 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,753 Listen, as Frasier Crane, M.D., 426 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,130 I don't think that's a good idea 427 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,297 for the two of you. 428 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,924 And as Frasier Crane, man, 429 00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,426 I don't think it's a good idea 430 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,302 for the three of us. 431 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,346 Frasier, listen to me. 432 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:25,182 Sam needs my help in the bar. 433 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,186 If you feel any spark of jealousy, 434 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,688 please, let me assure you, 435 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,565 I could work side by side with this man 436 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,067 for the rest of my life and feel nothing. 437 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,862 Work? Hell, I could live in the same house with her 438 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,280 and never be tempted. 439 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,699 I could sleep in the same bed 440 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,284 and get... 441 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:46,162 nothing but a good night's rest. 442 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:50,416 I could get out of jail after 12 years, 443 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,921 serve on a ship with an all-male crew for another four, 444 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:59,759 be dropped off on a desert island for another three, 445 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,803 eating nothing but raw oysters, 446 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,263 and if Diane were 447 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,432 to walk out of the surf naked one day, 448 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,268 all I'd want from her would be the hockey scores. 449 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,438 And you wouldn't even get that. 450 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,691 I'm afraid that's not good enough. 451 00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,818 Diane, we're leaving. 452 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,069 Excuse me, Diane. 453 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:20,863 Doc, could I have a word with you, please? 454 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:21,864 What about? 455 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,866 Listen, Doc... 456 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,578 You take her out that door now, 457 00:21:27,745 --> 00:21:29,038 and those two will be dreaming 458 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:32,500 dreams about each other from now on. 459 00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,254 But, if she worked here, Doctor, 460 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:38,589 hatred. 461 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,007 Ooh! 462 00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:50,100 You know, I'm glad Coach stopped me 463 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,894 to ask about career opportunities 464 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,188 in psychiatry. 465 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,234 Yes, Harvard is excellent. 466 00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:03,656 You see, it gave me some time to reflect. 467 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:06,534 Diane, you must come back to work. 468 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:08,118 I must? 469 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:11,831 You and Sam went through a violent emotional experience. 470 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,625 Now this will give you an opportunity to defuse, 471 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:17,711 to de-mythologize your romance. 472 00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:21,715 Isn't he amazing? 473 00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:25,177 Abundantly. 474 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,725 Sammy, are you going to tell Carla? 475 00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:35,563 Yeah, maybe you ought to give me a hand here. 476 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,772 Yeah. Right. 477 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,780 What-- what's this all about? 478 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:47,700 Hey! Hey! 479 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:49,535 Got her? 480 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:50,995 Check. 481 00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:55,332 Carla... Diane's coming back to work here. 482 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:01,839 Really? 483 00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:04,717 At last, some help. 484 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,469 And she's had experience too. 485 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:10,222 I hope she can start right away. 486 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:17,313 Nah, nah, nah, nah... take her in the back. 487 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:20,441 Oh, you think I'm going to try to kill her 488 00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:23,402 or hurt her or maim her? No, no, no. 489 00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,364 Walls, walls, walls. 490 00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:30,326 Well, Sam, Diane and I really must be going, 491 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,703 but it looks like we'll be seeing each other again. 492 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:34,747 Yeah, I guess we will. 493 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,248 Hey, Frasier, 494 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:39,251 let me congratulate you here on your new honey. 495 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:40,628 Why, thanks, Sam. 496 00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:41,921 I've never been happier. 497 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:45,466 Let me congratulate you too, Diane. 498 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,803 Oh, for heaven's sake, give her a kiss. 499 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:53,891 Yeah, why not? 500 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,603 Why not? Seems appropriate. 501 00:24:07,404 --> 00:24:09,448 - Sam... - Mm. 502 00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:27,132 Now there's a healthy beginning. 503 00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:36,433 Nuts about me. 504 00:24:37,643 --> 00:24:38,936 Pitiful.